The pain of being Leo
by eldarsevenstar
Summary: Pretty much Leocentric. First fan fic...don't hurt me please. Leo's getting fed up with his brothers and he's starting to question his worth to his family. What happens when Leo finally looses his cool?
1. Sticks and Stones may break bonesand wor...

**Ok, as you've probably already realized this is not an update. Unfortunately, I've had to remove the song lyrics from this piece. Fanfiction notified me that it was against policy to have song lyrics by another artist in my writing, although I gave them credit for their work. I had to remove the lyrics so my account wouldn't be terminated. My apologies to everyone. For those of you who have not yet read this piece or who are reading it again, imagine Linkin' Park's song "In the End" playing in the background while you read this. The lyrics really related to Leo's feelings. Again, I offer my apologies and I hope you still enjoy this even without the lyrics. (Use your imagination)**

**_Disclaimer: _**No the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are not mine  No matter how hard I wish they were, they're not.

Note: Italics are journal entries.

Ok, this is my first fan fic and it sort of starts off strong but then drags…NO FLAMES PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE. I'm a turtle freak and am especially fond of Leo so…ummm, please don't hurt me. I'm not a great writer and this was just something I picked up in my spare time so try and bare with me. Be kind…I beg of you and now on to the story!

_**Sticks and stones may break bones…and words do hurt**_

The black night swirled around the buys streets of the city. There were no stars, no warmth, just a black sky and a never ending downpour of the freezing rain that splattered on the streets below. No one should be out in this type of weather, but one figure stood as a guardian of the city on top of a lonely building. He often came out here to think, to clear his head. It was here that he would think up new strategies and techniques to use in battles. But that was not the reason behind him being there tonight. He was questioning himself. He was upset. He had to get out of the lair. This wasn't the typical reaction you would get from Leonardo, maybe Raphael, but never Leo. He stood on top of the building gazing down at the city below, rain streaking his skin, down his eyes…they almost looked like tears, while his blue bandana tails blew fiercely behind him in the wind. He recalled the events that happened less than 2 hours ago:

Raph stormed out of the dojo with gritted teeth. Mikey and Don followed, keeping their distance, and Leo was the last to leave. Mikey and Don took their places in front of the multiple TV's to play some much needed video games after their intense workout in the dojo. Raph went straight to his weights to blow off some steam. Leo silently passed them to go to the kitchen and make some herbal tea. He had been the victor after a spar with all three of his brothers. Splinter walked into the kitchen soon after.

"Good evening Leonardo."

"Hello Sensei" eyes not leaving his cup

Splinter noticed this, "What troubles you my son? You were the victor of you spar tonight. Are you not pleased?"

"Yes…and no sensei." He paused, "Raph's pretty mad."

"You rightfully won your matches tonight. You need not feel guilty."

"It's not so much guilt as it is frustration. Raph's always been a challenge to beat, heck all of them are, and they are truly becoming more and more skilled…"

"As are you my son."

"Yes…but they get so easily distracted. One day we're going to be in another tough battle and they will lose their concentration and put themselves in danger!"

Splinter sighed, "Leonardo …my son…you must not trouble yourself so much with these worries. They are eating away at you. You are so protective of them. You have taken on the full responsibility of protecting your family and blame yourself if something goes wrong. You are a skilled warrior Leonardo…I have much faith and respect for you my son."

Leo smiled at this but resumed his original position and continued sipping his tea.

"Rest my son. No more training for tonight, you have exceeded the required limit set by me already."

"Training helps me relax sensei. I enjoy it."

"I know…perhaps you should retire early tonight and get some much needed rest." Splinter put a reassuring paw on Leo's shoulder and walked out of the room.

"Raph give it back!" Leo could hear Mikey screaming from the other room.

Leo sighed, put down his cup and walked in the living room to see what the trouble was.

"Raph! C'mon give it back to me!" Raph was dangling the game controller over his head.

"No way Mikey! You've been playing long enough!"

"I've only been playing 10 minutes!"  
"Yeah well ya've played this thing all week without lettin any of us have a go at it."

"Raph, give it back to him." Leo said with his arms crossed

Raph gave him a glare, "Mind yer own business Leo."

"It is my business when you guys are being so loud I can't even think"

At this Raph dropped the controller and stepped right up in front of Leo.

"Ya know what Leo…I'm tired of your attitude. What makes you think ya can boss us around? You're always on my back and ya never give us a break from trainin. Ya think ya know so much when in reality you're as dumb as a doornail!"

Leo just stood there and listened with a stern look on his face…he was trying to control his temper but he was losing his cool now.

"What makes you think I don't get tired of hearing all of you guys complain 24/7?"

"We complain cause ya think yer better than us! Yer always tryin to be the hero! Well guess what, we aint gotta bow down to you every time you say the word oh 'Fearless Leader'!"

At this Leo snapped, he hated that nickname and that along with all the accusations just built up into raw fury.

"You think what I do is easy! Listening to you complain all the time! You've always got something to say to me Raph! You never listen! You guys aren't prepared to go into battle! You are too easily distracted by other things and you Raphael let your anger get in the way! If you were to face the Shredder today who knows what would happen!"

"Where do you get off criticizing us on how we fight Leo! We aint the ones who were fooled by the Shredder inta thinking he was a good guy! We aint the ones who got the shell kicked outta us by the Elite Guards! And we aint the ones who keep obsessin over 'im. Why can't ya just admit that ya messed up and that maybe you aint as good as ya think ya are! That maybe we'd be better off without ya naggin us all the time, without ya messin us up all the time! Maybe we'd be better off if ya just high tailed it outta here! We all hate you tryin to be our 'fearless leader' so just give it a rest!"

Upon hearing this Leo just froze. Those painful memories were enough to make his skin crawl, and he had nothing he could say back to the accusation. He showed a hurt look in his eyes but turned around quickly so no one would see. Mikey and Don were sitting on the couch listening to the whole argument, ready to break up the fight if it got out of hand, and were now dumbstruck with their mouths hanging open. Master Splinter was standing in his bedroom doorway with his jaw also dropped at the surprise outburst from Raphael.

Quickly realizing what he had just said, Raphael's hard glare softened and he reached out a hand to his brother, "Leo…wait, I didn't mean it…I just…it slipped…"

"You don't have to apologize Raphael, you're right…I'm sorry."

And with that Leo walked out the door into the cold rainy night.

Mikey looked worried, "Dude, isn't there a bad storm commin in tonight?"

"Yeah, he really doesn't need to go out there, we should've stopped him!" Don exclaimed.

Splinter turned to his sons, "I do not think anyone could have stopped him my sons. Your brother needs to clear his mind. Now, we need to talk about your actions."

Those were the last words that Leo heard as he ran through the sewers to the surface.

Back on the roof:

"I failed them. They really don't need me. Everything that Raph said was true. I'm just putting them in danger."

Leo opened his eyes and took in a deep breath. This had been a really rough night. He was still bent over the edge of the building, gazing down at the streets. The rain picked up harder, if that was even possible, and now it was difficult to even see your hand in front of your face.

Leo heard his shell cell ring and he answered, "Hello?"

"Leo? Leo you need to get back here," it was Don, "the storm is getting way too rough. You don't need to go around jumping from building to building when it's like this."

"Yeah…ok Don, I'm on my way."

He clicked his shell cell shut and put it back in his belt. With that he headed towards home. He didn't see the shining red eyes that were glaring up at him from the alley way below. Four sets of glowing red eyes.

(TBC)


	2. Trouble

_Lunar-ninja: _thanks for the encouragement! Hehehe...I have a thing for red eyes :)

_taintedelusions: _wow! that's really nice of you...I'll try my best!

_AngelWarrior74: _yes...you're right about the eyes...good job:)

_BlueRaven: _sorry, I don't mean to be annoying with cliffhanger but I'm kind of evil chuckles I'll try to update as soon as I can. Oh, and no I don't think it's mean to compare me to other authors...maybe it will help me improve my writing style :)

_pacphys: _thank you! sorry about the typo...I'll try and fix it (I'm still trying to get the hang of how to work this thing, lol). Mikey and Don are just trying to stay out of harm's way; I've always pictured them of being a little wary of Leo and Raph's tempers, lol

_Chibi Rose Angel: _choice B is your best bet! Yes, you are absolutely right about commas being a girl's worst nightmare

_EntropyMage: _Hehe...I'll try to work on more detail. Sometimes I get so into writing I forget about everything else; I forget detail because I'm seeing it in my head and I just forget to write it down lol.

_Darktiger2: _Thank you:)

_Dierde: _Thanks for the welcome! Sorry about the punctuation errors...I was so excited about posting I kind of rushed into it; needless to say, grammar is not my best friend lol...I'll try to answer those questions

Ok...I just hope that you guys like the next chapter, sorry it's a bit short. It may seem to sort of slow down...I hope not...drops down to kneeswell...here I go...

**_Disclaimer: _**sigh no the turtles are not mine...no matter how much I wish they were :-(

_**Trouble…**_

As if on cue, when Leonardo started running towards home, the rain picked up even more and oddly enough there was a drop in temperature. It was so cold that a few of those "harmless" rain droplets turned into sleet. Leo knew he had to get home and fast. The whole way back he kept running things over in his mind, "I need to stop thinking like this. Master Splinter is right; I do blame myself for everything. Maybe I was wrong…I am a good ninja. I train everyday, twice as hard as the others…if I didn't push them so hard they probably wouldn't train at all. Maybe I'm not as useless as I think I am." All of a sudden Leo came to an abrupt halt. Someone was following him. It wasn't just one person either, it was several. He whipped around just in time to deflect an arrow by cutting it in half with one of his katanas. Leo drew his other katana and crossed them in front of his plastron, giving a glare into the shadows. There, on the roof of the building, emerging from the shadows came four men, with glowing red eyes peering out from underneath their flat hats; the Foot Elite. But not just the Elite, behind them swarmed an army of at least 30 foot ninjas. Leo managed to mutter, "Aww shell…", before he was engaged in a deadly battle.

Back at the lair:

Master Splinter was in his room, meditating as usual. Don was working on another invention and Mikey was reading his comic books. Raph was pacing the floor at a steady rhythm. Leo had been gone for two whole hours. It just wasn't like him to be gone for that long, even on a night run…even if he was upset or mad.

"Dude, Raph chill! You're making me dizzy…" Mikey complained.

"How can I chill out Mikey! Leo's been gone for two hours and it's rainin like cats and dogs out there!" yelled Raph.

Don tried to comfort his brothers, "C'mon guys, Leo's not dumb. If he got stuck out there then he would take shelter."

Don went right back to tinkering with his new invention, even though he tried to sound reassuring he was every bit as worried about his brother as Rahael and Michaelangelo were.

Frustrated Raph yelled, "That's it! I can't take this anymore! I'm going out to look for him!"

"Raphael! You will do no such thing," Splinter emerged from his bedroom, "I do not need two sons missing."

"But sensei," Raph begged, "this isn't like Leo. What if something happened to him? He wouldn't be out there right now if I hadn't opened my big fat mouth! If anything happens to him I'll never…I can't believe I said that to him."

Raph just stood there and stared at the floor.

Mikey couldn't stop fidgeting, "Sensei…maybe we should go out there and look for him. I'm really worried. He's been out there too long, even for Leo."

"I understand your worry my sons, I too am worried. But Leonardo knows what to do in an emergency. Besides, if your brother had run into any trouble, would he not call and let us know?"

No one had thought of this.

"Geez," Donny finally said, "I made these things and I can't even remember to use them. I'll call Leo and see where he is." Don pulled out his shell cell.

Everyone seemed to relax a bit after those words.

Donny dialed the number, "Leo?" No answer. "Leo are you there?" Still no answer. Donny was sure he heard grunts in the background. "Leo are you ok!" Donny shouted in alarm.

Everyone perked their heads up.

"What's wrong Don?" Mikey asked.

Donny didn't say anything, but what he heard next on the phone line sent chills down his spine…a scream, "AGHHH!" That wasn't just any scream, it was Leo. He didn't sound scared, he sounded like he was fighting, and it sounded like a scream of exhaustion.

Donny's eyes flashed wide, "LEO!"

Raph ran up to his purple clad bro, "What is it Donny! Where is he? Is he ok?"

Before anyone could answer him, the line went dead, leaving the three turtles and old rat in a state of shock and immense worry.

(TBC)


	3. The Battle

taintedelusions:_lol, that's right he's Leo! no tears. thanks girl!_

Lunar-ninja:_why thank you! i love my sick and twisted mind, lol. please don't come after me with a chain saw! __updates then runs and hides  
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Pi90katana:_thank you! i'm updating as fast as I can...my comp wouldn't let me update or get online for that matter last night...apologies  
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Darktiger2:_lol, yeah my system was messed up last night too, and i could tell you what is going to happen with leo...but im too mean :-) thanks for the review!  
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BubblyShell22:_thank you very much! glad to have another leo fan out there. i'm sure raph knows how painful those memories are and i sort of thought of the way i act when i get mad...sometimes i say things i don't mean and that just seems so "raph" to me, lol. thanks for reviewing!  
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TenseRebecca:_lol, i'm glad you're interested. i'm updating as fast as my brain can think, lol. thanks for the review  
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Gemdrive:_hehe, sorry for the curse of the cliffhangers...i have to be mean to someone, lol. updates and prays that no one will hurt me thanks for your review!  
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BlueRaven:_hehehe...sorry to be mean. one lightning update on the way! thanks!  
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EntropyMage:_thank you! the telephone adds drama to my life so why not make it add drama to someone else's, lol. glad you liked it  
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pacphys:_yeah you're right...I know the others would still train but I was trying to make Leo make himself feel a little better, hehe..wow that was kind of confusing, sorry! yup yup yup...i always want to make the tough guys sweat a little bit, hehe. thanks!  
_

**_Okay...really sorry if I left anyone out, BUT THANK EVERYONE SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING! My life has just been slam packed with reports and projects and papers and...ahhh what does it matter? I UPDATED! Hope I don't dissappoint you guys runs and hides Here ya go! Oh and sorry if my terminology during the battle is completely wrong...I've never done a battle scene before..._**

**Disclaimer: **sigh no...the turtles are not mine...if they were I would be one VERY RICH AND HAPPY PERSON

_**The Battle…**_

Things weren't looking good. Leo had managed to beat off the majority of the Foot but he was getting tired. Hey, taking out twenty foot ninjas out of thirty would make anyone tired. The Foot Elite just watched from the ledge of the building, contemplating on the best time to strike. Leo took out the remaining ten foot swiftly and returned his glare to the Foot Elite.

"What are they waiting for?" he asked himself.

The Lair:

After snapping out of their state of shock, everyone went for their weapons and ran out the door, all except for Master Splinter who had remained in the lair to try and contact Leonardo mentally. He needed to know if his son was alright and what foe that he was facing.

Raph, Don and Mikey were running through the sewers while Don was trying to pinpoint Leo's location with the shell cell. "Guys! I found him! He's near the old Foot Headquarters!"

"You mean the one we blew up when Leo lopped off Shredder's head?" Raph yelled from the lead.

Donny raised an eye ridge, _what other old foot headquarters is there?_

As if reading Don's mind, "Yeah…what other old Foot Headquarters is there Raph?" mocked Mikey with his goofy smile.

Raph shot him a death glare and picked up the pace.

They ran in silence for another five minutes, that's when Mikey tried to break it, "Man…it's too bad that Shredder survived huh?"

No answer.

"I mean…Leo chopped his head off and everything, and then we find out he's an utrom, and now he's probably…"

"Mikey!" yelled Raph, "We don't need ta hear it alright! Whatever was wrong with Leo is probably because of the Shred Head!"

"Raph's right Mikey," Don piped up, "the only ones who would be dumb enough to go after Leo would be the Shredder or the Ultimate Ninja."

Mikey agreed, "Ultimate freak is more like it, ever since he joined up with Draco." He paused. " I just hope Leo's ok." He had a fearful look in his eyes.

Donny seemed to notice, "Hey, if anyone of us could take care of themselves on their own it would be Leo. Even if he's in a pickle right now we're gonna help him out ok?"

Mikey seemed to perk up a little at hearing this.

The three had finally made it to the manhole nearest to Foot HQ. All three climbed out and raced to the point showing where Leo would be, only to find nothing.

"What's the deal?" complained Raph, "I thought you said he would be here Don."

Don looked confused, "The tracking system says this is where he is…unless," he paused and looked up to the top of the building, "duh Donatello!"

Mikey looked at his bro, "What?"

Don explained, "Think about it, Leo's always been more favorable to traveling along the rooftops to keep out of sight. He's on top of the building!"

Raph and Mikey shared a look before running to a nearby fire escape to get to the roof of the building. Donny was still messing with his shell cell, "Let's see, according to this map, if we triangulate the coordinates from here to here, we should reach Leo in about…guys? Hey guys! Wait for me!" Don ran after his brothers.

Up on the roof Leo had regretted asking his inquisition of "_what are they waiting for?_" He unfortunately realized that they were waiting for the rest of their reinforcements. It seemed out of nowhere 30 more foot ninja jumped out on the roof followed by a big bulk of a mammoth, Hun.

"Great, I really didn't intend to get this much exercise tonight." Leo sighed.

Hun stepped forward, "Well, if it isn't the freak. But where are your brothers? Have they finally abandoned you because of your weakness?"

Leo gritted his teeth and shot a death glare at Hun.

"Don't you remember freak? Don't you remember the old antique shop? I seem to remember throwing you into a pole."

Leo smirked, "If memory serves me right, I was the one who kicked you around this entire area. I put you out long before the Elite even began to fight me. The only way you even got close to me was when I was already down and out."

Hun growled and launched himself at Leo. Leo twirled his katanas and stood there, waiting for impact. At the last moment before Hun tackled him, Leo slipped out of the way and high kicked Hun down to the cement. Hun snarled and picked himself off the cold cement roof and turned to throw a punch but before he had the chance he was greeted by a green foot in the face as Leo spin kicked him and knocked him out. As soon as the mammoth hit the ground the rest of the Foot attacked. Leo found himself in a mass of foot ninjas as he battled his way out, never taking his eyes off of the Elite.

Raph and the guys and finally reached the roof only to be greeted by the shock of seeing their blue clad brother fighting for his very life amongst countless ninjas.

Mikey and Donny looked in awe while Raph shouted, "Leo!"

That outburst from Raphael was all that was needed to gain the Elites attention. The four ran towards the brothers, a look to kill in their eyes, weapons raised. Before they knew what was coming, the three turtles looked only to see sharp blades aiming at them. Leo heard his brothers and looked just in time to see the Elite lunge towards them. "NOO!" he screamed as he kicked a foot soldier out of the way and hurled one of his katana in the direction of the Elite. Just before the Elites blades were ready to descend on the unsuspecting brothers, a blue handled katana struck right in front of them, giving them a shock to their system and enough time for Leo's brothers to move out of the way.

"Whoa," Don exclaimed, "I didn't even notice that the Foot Elite were here."

"Neither did I," Raph admitted, "but I won't admit to it if anyone asks." He added.

Mikey took out his nunchucks and got into a battle ready stance, "Man, even when Leo's fighting like crazy he's still saving our shells!"

"Shut it Mikey!" yelled Raph as he pulled out his two sais, gave them a twirl, and launched into the battle mass Leo was currently caught up in.

Don followed suit, pulling out his bow staff and hurling himself into the mass. Mikey slammed his nunchucks into the Foot making his way into the middle of the circle, where his eldest brother was.

Leo had just knocked two of the foot out of the way with his remaining katana and flipped out of the mass, sliding to his other katana embedded in the rooftop. The wet cement made it easy. He had already slipped a few times due to the downpour that was still in effect. Then the Elite decided to make their move, they had Leo alone while his other brothers were fighting the remaining foot. Leo was close to the edge of the building when the four Elite surrounded him. This was turning into déjà vu and it was getting too uncomfortable for Leo. They all attacked him at once and Leo could just remember his previous encounters with the Foot Elite as they flashed through his head. But he had it already set in his mind, this was going to be different, he knew their fighting style and he had improved in battle, although a bit tired, his determination was enough to win this battle.

The Elite lunged all at once and surprisingly Leo dodged each and every blow with amazing accuracy and precision. He stabbed one katana in the roof while hoisting himself into mid air, doing a round kick knocking each and every Elite back out of their place. He attacked two at a time, slicing his razor sharp blades in the air. He forced one to the edge and watched as he fell to the ground, dissappearing into a puff of purple smoke before impact. He moved on to another, removing his weapon from his grasp and kicking him away. When the two remaining Elite attacked Leo did a backwards flip, landing behind them both and punching them both hard in the jaw, knocking them down where they disappeared. The foot that Leo kicked away ran up behind Leo and ducked a punch, landing one of his own. Leo staggered back but kept eye contact and catching the Elite off guard he spun around and charged him. They both landed in a heap on the rooftop, the Elite's weapon blocking Leo's katana that were aiming towards the Elite's throat.

Raph, Don and Mikey had just finished off the last of the foot soldiers. "Well," smirked Raph, "that was a refreshing battle." Their attentions were soon put on high alert when they heard grunting to their side.

Leo was still struggling with the Elite, they flipped back and forth, switching positions each time. No one noticed that Hun had awoken from his previous state. Just as the guys were going to help Leo, Raph at the lead, they heard an "EEEEEEP" emert from Mikey's mouth. Raph and Donny turned to see Hun charging them. They focused their attention on the large man and attacked him, bringing him down with great ease. Little did they know that Hun was actually still conscious, just waiting for the right moment to strike.

Leo, still struggling with the Elite, was getting closer and closer to the edge when before he knew it, the both of them rolled off.

"LEO!" Raph screamed, his brother's shouts of "NO!" adding to the suspense of the moment. All they saw was a flash of their brother's bandana tails flying off the side of the building.

(TBC)

**_Another bad cliffie...I know...runs away screamingfrom the angry swarm of people I PROMISE I'LL UPDATE SOON! DON'T HURT ME DON'T HURT ME!_**


	4. Breaking point

**Chibi Rose Angel:**_cowers down I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY! I JUST HAD TO PUT IN A CLIFFHANGER! please don't kill me...sniffle...i really do appreciate you guys being loyal and faithful readers! thanks for the compliment, i hope i'm doing something right...thank you!_

**Dory's human replica:**_haha...no problem, i appreciate you reviewing now :-) don't worry...Leo's not dead...or is he? dun dun dun read on and find out! thanks for the review!_

**taintedelusions:**_awww don't cry! what's with the splat? u really think i'm gonna let him off that easily? hehe please don't be depressed...uhhhh...whips out a cookie i'll update i promise i promise! thank you!_

**Phoenix Red Lion:**_thank you very much! i'm glad you like it! you're right battle scenes are difficult, i'm just happy that you guys seemd to think it was worthy...sniff sniff i am so HAPPY :-)_

**KuwabaraMikey17:**_hehehe, he's not dead...I don't think...hehehe thank you!_

**Darktiger2:**_thanks for the support! (and i have noticed that you enjoy cliffies too...ahem) isn't torturing your audience great! lol_

**BlueRaven:**_haha, yup you can ask anything...as for your first question, the answer is Leo as for the rest of them, its hard to choose because i don't dislike any of them :-) any other questions? i thank you so much for not hurting me, and you're right i don't have a shell...i don't think...turns around and frowns...nope sigh no shell, hehe. and im very grateful for you not putting me in a hospital bed because then i couldn't update at all! THE HORROR! i'm glad you're nice and ill try to do more lightning updates! thanks for your review!_

**BubblyShell22:**_thanks very much! i'm updating as quick as i can :-)_

**spootycup:**_lol...THANK YOU! that's a huge compliment! im really glad you guys are liking this. and as for your last request...i'm updating i'm updating breath i'm updating i'm updating!_

**Katana-Babe:**_hehe, thank you. i know leo doubting himself is common but i'm glad to hear you think there's something different about this story :-) im also glad to have another HUGE Leo fan out there :-) man...the pressure is on...thanks:-)_

**Dierde:**_phew for a minute there i thought you were really gonna hit me with that thing! no ominous looks or attacking me please! im updating i swear! glad you liked it and thanks for the reviews!_

**Ted:**_i'm glad it didn't drag in this chapter, but i'm still a little bit nervous about the following chapters shivers glad you like it and thanks!_

**pacphys:**_haha...actually, i completely agree with you! mikey and don were a lot closer in the movies and you're absolutely right in my opinion about raph being leo's wingman. hehe donnie! i'll try not to make so many cliffies in any of my other stories...if i decide to write anymore...it all depends on how this one goes. thanks:-)_

**TenseRebecca:** _thank you! hopefully the relationship will get better!_

**_YAY LOTS OF REVIEWS! You guys are dang awesome! Thanks to everone who reviewed and sorry if I left anyone out. This one is going to be kind of short and much to my dismay...I think there's only going to be one more chapter after this one. Anyway, hope you guys like this one! hides in her room and waits nervously_**

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**Disclaimer: **the turtles are not mine because if they were i would be rich and famous and seeing as how I am none of the above...NO I DON'T OWN THE TURTLES!

_**Breaking Point…**_

As soon as Leo rolled off the edge he jammed one katana into the side of the building and hung on for dear life. The Elite plummeted to the ground and, like the others, disappeared in a puff of purple smoke before hitting the cold hard ground. Leo just hung there for a minute. "I beat them," he said to himself, "I beat them. Then why am I not satisfied?" He sheathed his other katana and used the one in the side of the building to pull himself back up onto the roof.

The horrified looks on the three brothers faces vanished and were quickly replaced with relief.

"Man bro," Raph began, "you sure know how to scare a turtle."

Leo didn't say a word. He simply bent over the side of the building to retrieve his katana, sheathed it and silently walked past his brothers, eyes on the ground.

The three brothers shared a confused look. Raph scratched the back of his head with his sai, "Was it something I said?"

Leo stopped, back turned to them, "Actions speak louder than words Raphael. The three of you could have been killed tonight, all because you weren't aware of your surroundings."

"Yeah but we're ok bro," assured Mikey, "and you kicked some serious ninja butt! Aren't ya the least bit happy about it?"

Don put his hand on Mikey's shoulder as a signal to let it go. He could tell that there was something seriously bothering their eldest brother and he knew that they were all treading on thin ice.

Raph, of course, was the first to make a remark. "Of course he aint happy Mikey, cause things didn't go his way. I don't get you Leo, we ran all the way out here in the pourin rain to save your shell and you gotta be all short with us! The first thing that comes from your mouth is another lecture on how we rushed into things! It's not a 'gee guys, thanks for the help' or 'man, I really appreciate this', would it kill ya to say a nice word to us once in a while?"

Mikey whispered to Donny, "Raph? Complaining about appreciation and nice words? Dude, am I dreaming?" Donny just shrugged.

"Look," Leo said dryly, "I do appreciate you guys coming out here. Thank you for coming out here to help." With that Leo started to walk away before Raph grabbed his shoulder and swung him around.

"Leo! What is yer problem? Do you have any idea how worried we were about ya? Do you even have the slightest clue as to what it felt like to not know where you were or if you were alright!"

Leo removed Raph's hand and growled, "Don't you dare patronize me Raphael." Before he knew it he was screaming in his brother's face, "You don't even know what it means to worry! You don't know what it's like to worry about your family with every passing second! You don't know what's it's like to know that when anything goes wrong it's your fault! You don't know what's it's like to constantly be a failure to each and everyone around you and you don't know what's it's like to be misunderstood and despised by your own brothers!"

Don and Mikey stood in the background, listening intensely with wide eyes. Raph just stood there, eyes round, dumbstruck by the words that were coming out of his brother's mouth.

Leo continued, "I didn't ask to do this. I didn't ask to be leader. I put it upon myself because I would never forgive myself if anything ever happened to any of you guys. I never even hardly played as a kid, if I was playing around it was because I had went with one of you to protect you in case anything happened. You say that I take everything so seriously, that I am always practicing and doing katas. Did it ever occur to you that I do that so I can better myself in order to protect my family! I'll never forget the emptiness I felt, the hate I felt towards myself when anything happened to any of you. When Donny almost drowned, when you got attacked by that giant alligator, when Mikey was attacked by Bishop and almost dissected, when Donny was taken by the Triceretons, when Master Splinter disappeared with the guardians, when Leatherhead accidently hurt Mikey, when you got locked in that van by the humans, when April's store was burned down, you want me to keep going!"

Raph looked up at his brother in concern, "Leo…you remember all of that? Without even thinking twice about it? How can you just rattle off all of that bad stuff that happened?"

Leo sighed, "Because, each and everyone of those instances in one way or another was caused because I messed up; I failed you in some way. I wasn't paying close enough attention or I wasn't in the right place at the right time. I…I just…never mind."

And with that Leo turned and ran off into the dead of night. Lightning cracked in the air as his brothers watched Leo's retreating shell disappear into darkness.

"C'mon guys," cracked Donny, "we should get back to the lair." Everyone nodded and slowly journeyed back to their home.

Leo had positioned himself on a staircase above a man hole and watched, unknown by his brothers, as they went down the man hole. He wanted to make surethey got back home safely. "I can't believe I popped off like that. I'll go back when I know they're all asleep, I can't face them now, not like this." Leo sighed and climbed down into the alleyway. He lowered himself into the sewers but took a different route home, a longer route. He couldn't believe that he had lost his cool like that. Those were feelings that no one was meant to hear. He didn't want his brothers to think that they were a burden. He just wished that they could understand. His thoughts kept running through his mind as he shuffled his feet down the cold sewers. He would have to face them sooner or later.

(TBC)

**Gah I know it's short DON'T BEAT ME UP! I was trying to update fast and not leave you guys with another dramatic cliffie...I think I was pushing my limits...hehe. Well...I'm thinking one more chapter after this and then it's all over. If you guys like the way this turns out, I might give writing another story a try. It's up to you guys! the suspense...IT'S KILLING ME!**


	5. Realization

**Dory's Human replica:**_thank you...well, hope ya like the ending and i'm seriously considering a new story...just scared it won't match up to this one_

**BlueRaven:**_cowers down and looks up with sad/frightened eyes...I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY! I'm not dead, i'm not gonna die...it's not killing me anymore! I'm updating right now I promise! oh please don't die! i enjoy your reviews too much and i really appreciate them! i'm glad you want to hear more because i'm thinking about another fanfic as we speak, i'm just concerned it won't live up to this one. no worries, i won't die from suspense before updating, lol. thanks again and hope you enjoy!_

**pacphys:**_thanks for the confidence! i love cliffies but i think i might ease up on them if i decide to write another story, lol. i still hope you guys come crawling back for more though! yup, mikey's still making cracks, hey, that's our lovable mikey right? im glad you've enjoyed this and i hope you like the ending as well. thanks!_

**chibi nataly:**_updating as we speak! thanks!_

**Lunar-ninja:**_lets out a breath yes i'm paranoid but i'm happy you're not going to beat me up, hehe. thanks for the review! _

**taintedelusions:**_no gasping...NO SOBBING! NO CRYING! yes yes...everything will be ok, please don't cry thanks for your review!_

**Temi:**_thank you so much! updating right now! hope ya like it!_

**kikiyophoenix19:**_yeah...i've noticed the same thing. it is interesting that the same idea is going around, and that you wrote one about leo too! hehe, ecstatic you liked the story, sorry you hated the shortness, trying to make it longer, lol, hope you like the last one! thanks!_

**Chibi Rose Angel:**_HAHA...no...no hard feelings :-) sorry i left you with an evil cliffie, lol. i'm glad you liked the leo vs. raph thing, i was a little nervous about it because you do see it so much, but since you say it never gets old i'll take your word on it 'cause i enjoy it too! thanks so much for your thoughts and i agree with you about the different brothers' relationships. thanks so much!_

**Pi90katana:**_YAY! I'm glad I had Leo's emotions down! lol, don't beat yourself up about that, i've been reading Suicide and it's awesome without that idea! you're a great writer so don't sell yourself short! thank you so much and I hope you enjoy the end!_

**spootycup:**_THANK YOU! I'm so glad you think this is "AWESOME" YAY! Thanks for the review!_

**BubblyShell22:**_Wow...thank you so much! yeah, that's the impression I was aiming for with leo. i'm glad you can relate! i can relate to it myself, i guess that's why i'm so attached to leo. i'm so glad you're liking this and i hope you enjoy the last chapter. thanks so much for all the reviews!_

**KuwabaraMikey17:**_Hehe...I can't kill him off...besides, where would that leave me if i decide to write another story? hehe, thanks for the review!_

**Ted:**_yup...i think things are going to turn out alright! thanks for the review and i hope you've liked the story!_

**Katana-Babe:**_lol, GREAT! Good to know that i've got Leo's feelings down, and yes, i too felt it was time for him to have an outburst. you can't keep all that emotion bottled up forever! thank you for your comments and for the review!_

**_Wow! Oh WOW! You guys are dang awesome! I'm so glad that you've enjoyed my first fan fic...YAY! I hope you like the last installment as much as you've liked the rest of the story. Thanks for all the AWESOME reviews! Well, here we go..._**

**Italics are a journal/diary entry.**

**Disclaimer: **How many times do I really have to say this? No the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are not mine, never have been, never will be! There! Are you happy now? Now i'm all depressed!

_**Realization…**_

Leo trotted around the sewers for what seemed like hours. The waters were extremely cold and high due to the tremendous amount of rainfall during the night. His brothers had to be asleep by now; Master Splinter was a different story. He knew that his brothers would have told their sensei everything that had happened that night, he would have done the same. Master Splinter would wait up longer than the others. "I hate to worry him, I just can't talk about this with anyone right now." Leo trudged on, his feet becoming numb to the cold. His head hung down and seemed to get lower with each and every step until he realized he was back at the lair door. He cautiously peered inside. The lights were all off, everything was quiet. If Leo were in his brothers' situation he would have used this as a useful ninja trick. This would be an easy way to fool someone into thinking everyone was asleep and then having a chance to confront them alone. Leo just hoped that his brothers weren't hiding in any corners. He stepped inside. Nothing, he could sense no one, and then…"Hello sensei."

Splinter walked up behind Leo. "My son, are you injured? I've been worried."

"I'm fine sensei, really."

Splinter looked into his son's tired eyes, concern written all over his furry face. "You seem troubled Leonardo. Yet, I can understand if you do not wish to discuss this matter tonight. If you will assure me that you will be ok tonight, I will believe you and we can have our discussion tomorrow."

Leo smiled, a sign of relief. "Thank you sensei. I will be ok tonight; I give you my word of honor." Leo bowed to his sensei.

Splinter placed a reassuring paw on his son's shoulder. "I am here my son, whenever you need me." And with that Splinter returned to his room, leaving Leo to his thoughts.

Leo smiled, then sighed. He retreated to his bedroom and closed the door. He sat down on his bed and held his head in his hands. It was pitch black in his room. "What are you doing in my room Raph?" Leo turned on his table lamp to reveal Raphael standing in the back corner of his room.

"Leo…how…how did you know that I was…oh never mind, I shouldn't be surprised." Raph smirked. Then his face grew serious. "You're not gonna get out of telling me what's wrong wit ya that easily. You may have gotten past Master Splinter but it aint gonna work wit me."

Raph walked over and took a seat beside Leo on the bed. Leo looked up to speak but Raph held out his hand. "I need to say somethin bro…I'm sorry."

Leo's head shot up. "You're…what did you say?"

"I'm sorry bro."

Leo's eyes looked sadly at his brother. "What are you sorry for? You're not the one who messed everything up. You weren't duped so easily by Shredder's evil and you weren't hurt…you're not the one who popped off at your brothers…" Leo trailed off as he lowered his head.

"Leo you had every right ta pop off at us…especially me. And I do have something to apologize for. I've been such a jerk to you lately. I yell at you and complain and I never stopped for one instant to think about how rough ya had it!"

Raph looked sadly at his brother before pulling out a small book. It was dark green with images of 3-d vines wrapping itself around the borders.

Leo looked up at him in surprise. "Where did you get that!"

Raph winced, a bit shocked, he couldn't tell if his brother was merely surprised or a bit mad. "I…sort of…found it under yer bed."

"And you were under my bed because?"

Nothing.

"Look Raph, I overlooked the fact that you came into my room without my permission but for you to go through my belongings…"

"I was worried about ya Leo!" Raph interrupted. "Ya've been keepin' to yerself and I didn't know what was wrong. I had ta do something!" Raph took a deep breath. "I read this one…I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have but I…I can't believe it took me so long to realize that this was how ya felt." Raph frowned. Leo wasn't sure of what his brother was talking about so he picked up the book and read what was inside.

_I'm about ready to give up. This is just getting too hard. They don't understand me. They've never understood me. Do they really hate me this much? I feel like I'm paying them for their friendship. I'm trying so hard to be a good leader, but nothing I do is enough. I'm such a screw up. Why can't I be better? Why am I such a bad brother? They say that they understand me but I don't see how. Sometimes I just wish that I could change my life…just for one day. I love them…but this is killing me. I had a dream the other night. We were out on a practice run, protecting the city as we usually do, when all of a sudden the foot attacked. They almost killed my brothers and I tried to save them. At the last minute the Shredder appeared right in front of me. He raised his fist and embedded his metal claws into my right side. The pain was so horrible…and then I heard laughing…it was Shredder, but not just him, as I looked around I saw my three brothers, Donatello, Michaelangelo and Raphael…they were smiling? They were happy that I was dying? Moments later I collapsed to the ground and saw my worst fear…the Shredder had destroyed my family…their lifeless forms covered the pavement. I failed…I failed as a leader, friend, son…a brother._

Leo's eyes widened in shock. He had never intended for any of his brothers to read this. "Raph you…you weren't supposed to…I'm so sorry."

"You've got nothin to apologize for Leo. It's us who should be sorry. We're always putting pressure on ya and we don't stop to think about how your feelin. I always thought that I would want to be leader, but ya know what? I could never be half the leader you are."

Leo sat there in awe.

"Leo…your greatest fear is lettin us down, seeing us hurt…heck you would take a blow from the Shredder just so we wouldn't have to go up against him. Don't ever think you're a rotten leader bro. We couldn't make it witout ya."

Raph stood and pulled Leo to his feet. "And we could never ask for a better bro." With that Raph pulled Leo into a tight hug. Stunned at first, Leo just stood there, but once everything hit him, he gratefully returned the hug and did something he hadn't done in a long time…he smiled.

"Now c'mon bro," smirked Raph, finally letting go of him, "I know where there's some pizza with our names written on it…and this means no Mikey to hog it all."

Leo smiled and followed Raph into the kitchen for some late night pizza.

**Okay...so what did you guys think? Was it good? Was it horrible? Did it flat out suck? Or was it enjoyable? Gimme some feedback here...I MUST KNOW! I really need your reviews...a few people have already told me that they'd like to see me write another story. What do you think? Should I give another story a shot or should I just quit while I'm ahead? Either way, I really hope everyone liked this and if you do want me to write again, I hope I won't dissapoint you. Please...I'm begging here...REVIEW! gets down on her knees and bows down low to all the readers, hoping that the loyal fanfiction readers won't murder her and willwant her to write again**


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